cloudsans

#TDCProject – I Miss You.

I’ve been thinking about you. About the things that you do. Miss me, Sir? No? Okay. It’s me, the little moon who miss you so bad. I’m missing you as the first rain fell to the ground. I’m missing you and I don’t know how to say it, since the words “I Miss You” could not represent all these mixed feeling within me. What should I do? I miss you. I miss you. I miss you but I don’t want to miss you. But I miss you!!!

I’ve been thinking about us. About the things you said we’d do. Ever miss me, honey? For a second? Say? It’s me, a little mood of wondering if you’d miss me back. I am missing you as the last thing I wish I could hug. I’m missing you and I in the same old version of being ‘us’ again, but what should I say tonight? Since screaming how much I miss you wouldn’t get you back here. What’s next? I miss you, baby. And I miss us, too. In the end, not the end, I miss you. Just that.

—cloudsans, terdevan April 21st, 2016 / 10:18 a.m

#TDCProject – Hate You Not.

Dan sekarang, aku mulai membencimu. Kau lihat? Akhirnya aku bisa membencimu! Walaupun hanya sedetik. Tapi aku merasa benar. Sial! Kenapa hanya sedetik? Aku masih ingin membencimu untuk kesekian ribu tahun lagi. Benci karena aku tidak bisa bertemu denganmu, benci karena kau begitu jauh untuk ku raih, benci karena kau telah berpaling, dan aku benci karena aku merindukanmu.

Tapi, ini adalah kebencian yang manis. Kebencian yang setiap kali kurasakan, aku bisa melihat wajahmu dan mata cokelat yang bersinar itu lagi. Mungkin hanya dengan cara hina seperti itu aku bisa melihatmu. Atau mungkin dengan cara murahan seperti itu aku mencintaimu. Karena ada rindu di setiap “Aku benci kamu.” atau mungkin aku tidak pernah benar-benar membencimu, aku hanya kesal, aku rasa begitu. Aku hanya sangat marah. Aku benci karena aku hanya sangat mencintaimu. Shit.

—cloudsans, terdevan 21 April 2016 / 10:41 a.m

#TDCProject – Here for The 1st June, The Cure.

Now that it’s okay. I thought I’d lose everything when you walk out the door. But now that’s okay. I can sing along, dance like I won’t stop. There are chocolate bars and a cup of coffee. There is always someone better to love me like I want to. And now that’s okay. The sky’s gold, my eyes shine. My mom said I eat better than when I was with you. I move my hips with best friends, the smiles. 'cause now there’s no you to cry about. I replace your picture with Dylan O’Brian’s photograph. Well, now I'm okay. I am cured and you wouldn’t be okay about that.

—terdevan June 1st, 2016 / 12:33 a.m

Now that it’s alright. The fact that I was so stupid for thinking that you are the one. There’s no such things about that, no. but I'm perfectly okay than I thought I could be right now. I still can sing the heart break song without the thoughts of you. The white choco taste better when I eat with a cup of hot coffee milk without you. It’s always something better when I close that book and get a warm hug from my friends. 'cause I know that I'm stronger than your words. I finally came to the place that I used to hate with a big smile on my face. Well, now I'm alright. I found the cure, and it's just my self.

—cloudsans June 1st, 2016 / 10:06 a.m

#TDCProject – Am I Still Your Americano.

“Hi! Let’s have a cup of coffee together.” “Don’t you think it will be fun? Just the two of us! You’re Americano, and I’m with my coffee caramel.” “We can just sit beside that giant window while gazing at that shameless transportation. Or we can talk about the weather. Just in case you’re out of words.” “How’s that? Cool, right?” “Since we’re both don’t like crowded situation, so I’ll pick the great place for us this time.” “Would you like to come with me?” “I promise I’ll be a good girl for a day if you say yes.” “Trust me. Okay?” “So, when will you wake up? When will you open up your eyes and hold my hands again?” “Will you come back?”

—cloudsans May 23th, 2016 / 10:38 p.m

“Not even say a thing, huh?” “You can just nod for a little yes!” “Just tell me when we can get along. at seven in the morning?” a breakfast with sort of 'can you please take me back' with extra cheese menu would be cool.” “Huh, don't you feel hungry or so?” “I am starved of the kinda love in every bread you bite and the cups of coffee we share.” “Are you forgetting your eating schedule like you are forgetting me?” “Hey, let's make it easy! Tell me I'm still your favorite menu. I'm still your Americano, huh?

—terdevan May 24th, 2016 / 6:50 a.m

#TDCProject – Old Guitar.

Nobody knows I’m in love with old guitar The one that locked in the museum glasses You used to play guitar too And I’m trying to mess every note you’d play

Nobody knows I’m in love with broken radio The one that told me about your songs I turn the radio on in the morning But never dare to play it when the night’s coming

No one will ever know if I love that melody The unreleased sound on your recorder track You whispered that words through the phone Till then I keep it on repeat

No one will ever know if I love that voice The lines that ever kept you warm with me And it still is echoing in my mind Like a lullaby goodnight song That keeps me awake by our old songs

—terdevan, cloudsans August 17th, 2016 / 23:37

#TDCProject – Perfect.

“You’re too sweet. I can tell love from your side is so strong. Sometimes I wonder what I have done, till I deserve love like that.”

“I must done some good job in the past life cause right now, God give me something I never imagine: you, the best gift I ever had.”

“But, I don't think I deserve that. I mean, I am such a sin and you're so heaven. I may hurt you brutally, and God will hate me for ruining the angel like you. And I won't like it to. So, I think, I better leave.”

“You might say I'm totally crazy for loving someone who deserves heaven like you, while I am the best kind of bad karma. If only I knew that I would meet you like this, I'd volunteer myself as an angel to always be here, near you.”

“And If I could, and I would, I just don't know how devil and angel could be together. But, yes, there is bad and good, sad and glad, those opposite things make this world colorful. And if I could stay with you, I want to be your best sin, best mistake, forevermore.”

“Until one of us give up, I will try to make it real. I won't stop telling you that these all are worth anything we've hoped. You’ll see that one day; this world will turn their head just to see you and me together.”

“And one day I will be the best badness. In your arms, and the way sun goes lightening your smile, I will send you my real bad love. As bad as your hands hold me to say we will be perfection”

—terdevan, cloudsans August 06th, 2016 / 09:24

#WordsUnsaid – I'll Stay Here.

I don’t mind about the distance since I never leave this place and you’ve been gone too far but isn’t it kinda bittersweet for missing someone that used to be here but you can’t just reach them anymore in the best way

I don’t mind about the other side since I won’t leave this place and you’ve already left me the silence just don’t feel right but it won’t kill me either

because I can still hear your breath in the middle of cold and lonely night whispering through my ear as I closed my eyes, those three words I need so much

don’t mind if I’m going crazy than I already am who cares about me for being in love with you, anyway but you are there and I will stay here

—cloudsans August 3rd, 2016 / 09:32

#WordsUnsaid – Forgive Me.

I’m sorry because I can’t love you more than this I’m sorry because I don’t know the other way of loving you I’m sorry because I didn’t fight more to get through this love I’m sorry because I didn’t run and try to find you I’m sorry for making you wait forgive me… because I’m just loving you alone like this.

—cloudsans June 10th, 2016 / 13:13

#TDCProject – Weirdos Collab.

I don’t even remember your full name But I remember all the flaws you made The days when we hold back for each other Like partner in shitty things, brothers by accident, permanent sins

I don’t wanna call your birth name But I wanna thank your mom for raising a child like My favorite kid to walk with in perfect rain till summer Psycho headed, redneck, cold-hearted, who I love

—terdevan May 27th, 2016 / 07:04

Who likes to make friends with you? The slinthead-child who made my day 24/7 brighter than it should be Making poems, talking shits, and burning fires I remember you all like my favorite heavenly highway.

Who likes to be your best friend, anyway? You little goat’s fart! This kinda my best way to say I love you And I thank God forever for letting you come into my life.

—cloudsans May 27th, 2016 / 07:45

I see those eyes sitting right next to those ripped jeans At that moment, I know this will be the weirdest day of my life.

Who know where neverland is? I do, that place is right between the shimmering eyes and the ripped jeans. When you be right in the middle of them, all you have to do is close your eyes and think a happy thoughts. Then you will fly into the world beyond your craziest imagination.

—re May 28th, 2016 / 13:22

#ShortStory – Failed Dates.

Jakarta, 15 Mei 2015 (20:20) “maaf, sepertinya aku harus pergi” “kenapa? apa yang terjadi?” “aku harus pergi.” “sekarang?” “ya.” “oh, baiklah.”

Jakarta, 30 Mei 2015 (16:30) “ada apa?” “aku harus pergi sekarang.” “pekerjaanmu lagi?” “ya.” “bisakah aku tahu, kau akan kemana kali ini? apa aku boleh ikut bersamamu?” “tidak, kau sama sekali tidak dilarang untuk pergi kesana.” “kalau begitu aku ikut denganmu.” “aku akan mengantarmu pulang.” “kenapa? aku masih ingin bersamamu.” “ini bukan tempat yang baik, okay?”

Jakarta, 20 Augstus 2015 (21:00) “maaf, aku harus-” “lagi?” “maaf.” “wah, hebat sekali. kenapa kencan kita selalu berakhir seperti ini, ya?” “maafkan aku. kita nonton lain kali saja, ya? aku akan mengantarmu pulang.” “tidak usah, aku akan menontonnya. aku bisa naik taksi.” “akan ku telfon kau nanti.”

—cloudsans 18 Mei 2016 / 05:52