#TDCProject – Is It Still Called as Love.

What are doing out there? What the world does to you? Does the food taste like your Mama’s? Does the places smell like me? How are you there right there? Do you look at the sky in night? Do you think it’s gonna be rain? Do you ever miss me while, you’re gaining yourself? Hello? When you took that flight, Have you planned yourself to not missing me?

Even at the time like this, I don’t know what you’ve been doing out there. This kind of night’s turn me so blue, because I really wanna know what it like is to be there, What song that you hear as you close your eyes? What color is the sky while you’re dreaming? What kind of bird that woke you up in the morning? I want to taste the snow you’ve touched I want to see the same stars when the night’s coming I’d love to hear your laugh every time you watch that stupid animation And I don't mind to kiss you every time, every time you need me. But the fact that you never needed me is driving me crazy How could I love someone like you so bad when you’re not here? How could I still breathing when I see you’re holding your girl’s wrist in the street? How could I still want you when all the songs you’ve made is just for her? Tell me how could I still love you? When all I know is you’ll never love me back? What kind of love is this? Is it still called as love when only me who is falling? Is it still called as love while after all this time he only fall for that girl and I can’t be with him till the end?

—terdevan, cloudsans August 23rd, 2016 / 01:15

#TDCProject – Two Different World.

You’re in the airport telling me about big countries dreams. I'm on my bed with extra blanket thinking about my final trial on Monday. See? Two different worlds. You’re taking plane that sets us apart. You’re flying away like I never knew you before. Japan, Korea, Canada, NYC, and what's next you'd be? I breathe a cup a coffee, “Don’t u wanna visit me for a sec?” and you won’t. Cause those big cities give you flashlight, but this small girl in the village could give u the best taste of love. So, come back?

Tell me goodbye, please? No, this never been “a nice to meet you” time, cause the fact that we never met is tears me up. You’re far away from me and I'm trying to be okay. You tell me about the morning sky while I'm sleeping in my empty room. You sent me a path full of snow, while I'm just staring at those pics wishing I'd be there. Call me, say my name, and take me with you. Cause i think it will be better if I hear you say “Hello” in front of me instead of reading “What are you doing” from my cracked smartphone.

—terdevan, cloudsans May 5th, 2016 / 10:11

#TDCProject – Pls, miss me.

I’ve been gone for 40 days. The saddest thing about it is, you didn’t looking for me. You didn’t leave a message or ask my friends where i am. You didn’t even try to miss me, to feel the loneliness when i am away. Can you pass the days without me? Aren’t you feeling bad when your lover out of line? Or i never really been your lover? That’s why you didn’t chase after me. But, am i nothing in your life? And now i am still gone. Losing both myself and your existence.

But day 50: please, try to miss me, just pls.

For a hundred times I try to reach you, just to make sure if you really ever miss me. I made a deal with myself if the answer is “No”, then I will not call you anymore. I’m not gonna miss you, if that's what you want “us” to be. But one day if you miss the way I call your name or the way we typed “Hello” in the beginning of the night, and you found out that I will no longer exist.

Will you miss me? Can’t you just.... miss me?

—cloudsans, terdevan May 4th, 2016 / 9:22 p.m

#TDCProject – My Almost Masterpiece.

kupikir pada awalnya tidak masalah jika aku membiarkan nya. aku kira ini bukanlah sesuatu yang perlu ditakutkan dan tidak perlu melibatkan sesuatu yang bernama ‘perasaan’. bukankah kau yang memulainya? memulai hal yang seharusnya tidak kau lakukan dari awal, tidak usah repot-repot mengusik perasaanku dengan hobi barumu itu. seharusnya kau tidak usah seperti itu, kau tahu? aku tidak melihat ada corak apapun dikertas putihku, sampai kau menggoreskan warna menyala disetiap lembarnya. sudah hampir menjadi satu buah buku yang sempurna, hampir menjadi buku favoritku. hampir. sebelum pada akhirnya, kau tiba-tiba berhenti menulis, mencoret semua huruf yang kau tuangkan seolah-olah semua cerita ini salah. semua warna kau ubah menjadi gelap, lalu dimana indahnya? akan kau apakan buku favoritku? mungkin bagimu aku hanyalah selembar kertas usang yang sama sekali tidak cukup untuk menuangkan semua ceritamu. dan kau menemukan sesuatu yang jauh dariku, hingga menjadi kegilaanmu. lalu untuk apa kau melukis diatas nakasku, kalau pada akhirnya kau hanya akan memandang gaun merahnya? memang, salahku juga membiarkanmu bercerita, seolah-olah itu cerita tentang kau dan aku. kecerobohanku yang mengira kau akan membuat sebuah headline bertemakan “kita” diatas puisimu. dan merupakan kebodohanku yang membiarkan diriku medengarkan semua ceritamu, membaca semua puisimu, dan melihatmu memainkan nada indahmu, yang bukanlah untukku. jadi, seperti ini? kau sengaja membuat cerita untukku yang seperti ini? baiklah. kau memang seorang penulis yang hebat, kau tahu? kau sudah melakukannya dengan sangat jahat. aku tidak “tidak apa-apa.”

—cloudsans 3 Mei 2016 / 9:21 p.m

aku hampir selalu suka membaca. aku suka membaca apa saja: baliho di jalan, brosur kredit motor, hingga catatan haruki murakami. namun, beberapa tahun ini kamu mengubahnya. aku masih suka membaca, tapi kamu dan semua cintamu menjadi genre kesukaanku. sekarang dan selamanya. Aku ingin selalu membacamu, melihat mata itu bertuliskan namaku. Indah sekali. seperti sebuah novel best-seller, tidak, cinta kita seperti novel yang tidak akan pernah terbit. tapi, itu tidak masalah. ini akan menjadi masterpiece, iya? tapi, kamu merobeknya. kamu merobek apa yang sudah kamu rangkai. menjadi serpihan dan lenyap begitu saja. Apakah yang kamu tulis tidak benar-benar dari hatimu? Apakah kamu pengarang yang hebat? Apakah kamu mencintai untuk pergi? Hebat sekali, ya. Sialnya, seseorang bisa mengingat apa yang mereka baca hingga selamanya. dan aku adalah tipe orang itu. lebih sial lagi adalah, apakah kamu bisa melupakan apa yang pernah kamu tulis? jawabannya adalah tidak, bodoh. kamu bisa merobek kertasnya, menghancurkannya. tapi sesuatu bernama memori, sebuah cerita, hal-hal itu tingga selamanya di telapak tanganmu. dan aku bersumpah, aku akan membuatmu tidak bisa tidur dengan itu.

—terdevan 4 Mei 2016 / 5:53 a.m

#TDCProject – I Miss You.

I’ve been thinking about you. About the things that you do. Miss me, Sir? No? Okay. It’s me, the little moon who miss you so bad. I’m missing you as the first rain fell to the ground. I’m missing you and I don’t know how to say it, since the words “I Miss You” could not represent all these mixed feeling within me. What should I do? I miss you. I miss you. I miss you but I don’t want to miss you. But I miss you!!!

I’ve been thinking about us. About the things you said we’d do. Ever miss me, honey? For a second? Say? It’s me, a little mood of wondering if you’d miss me back. I am missing you as the last thing I wish I could hug. I’m missing you and I in the same old version of being ‘us’ again, but what should I say tonight? Since screaming how much I miss you wouldn’t get you back here. What’s next? I miss you, baby. And I miss us, too. In the end, not the end, I miss you. Just that.

—cloudsans, terdevan April 21st, 2016 / 10:18 a.m

#TDCProject – Hate You Not.

Dan sekarang, aku mulai membencimu. Kau lihat? Akhirnya aku bisa membencimu! Walaupun hanya sedetik. Tapi aku merasa benar. Sial! Kenapa hanya sedetik? Aku masih ingin membencimu untuk kesekian ribu tahun lagi. Benci karena aku tidak bisa bertemu denganmu, benci karena kau begitu jauh untuk ku raih, benci karena kau telah berpaling, dan aku benci karena aku merindukanmu.

Tapi, ini adalah kebencian yang manis. Kebencian yang setiap kali kurasakan, aku bisa melihat wajahmu dan mata cokelat yang bersinar itu lagi. Mungkin hanya dengan cara hina seperti itu aku bisa melihatmu. Atau mungkin dengan cara murahan seperti itu aku mencintaimu. Karena ada rindu di setiap “Aku benci kamu.” atau mungkin aku tidak pernah benar-benar membencimu, aku hanya kesal, aku rasa begitu. Aku hanya sangat marah. Aku benci karena aku hanya sangat mencintaimu. Shit.

—cloudsans, terdevan 21 April 2016 / 10:41 a.m

#TDCProject – Here for The 1st June, The Cure.

Now that it’s okay. I thought I’d lose everything when you walk out the door. But now that’s okay. I can sing along, dance like I won’t stop. There are chocolate bars and a cup of coffee. There is always someone better to love me like I want to. And now that’s okay. The sky’s gold, my eyes shine. My mom said I eat better than when I was with you. I move my hips with best friends, the smiles. 'cause now there’s no you to cry about. I replace your picture with Dylan O’Brian’s photograph. Well, now I'm okay. I am cured and you wouldn’t be okay about that.

—terdevan June 1st, 2016 / 12:33 a.m

Now that it’s alright. The fact that I was so stupid for thinking that you are the one. There’s no such things about that, no. but I'm perfectly okay than I thought I could be right now. I still can sing the heart break song without the thoughts of you. The white choco taste better when I eat with a cup of hot coffee milk without you. It’s always something better when I close that book and get a warm hug from my friends. 'cause I know that I'm stronger than your words. I finally came to the place that I used to hate with a big smile on my face. Well, now I'm alright. I found the cure, and it's just my self.

—cloudsans June 1st, 2016 / 10:06 a.m

#TDCProject – Am I Still Your Americano.

“Hi! Let’s have a cup of coffee together.” “Don’t you think it will be fun? Just the two of us! You’re Americano, and I’m with my coffee caramel.” “We can just sit beside that giant window while gazing at that shameless transportation. Or we can talk about the weather. Just in case you’re out of words.” “How’s that? Cool, right?” “Since we’re both don’t like crowded situation, so I’ll pick the great place for us this time.” “Would you like to come with me?” “I promise I’ll be a good girl for a day if you say yes.” “Trust me. Okay?” “So, when will you wake up? When will you open up your eyes and hold my hands again?” “Will you come back?”

—cloudsans May 23th, 2016 / 10:38 p.m

“Not even say a thing, huh?” “You can just nod for a little yes!” “Just tell me when we can get along. at seven in the morning?” a breakfast with sort of 'can you please take me back' with extra cheese menu would be cool.” “Huh, don't you feel hungry or so?” “I am starved of the kinda love in every bread you bite and the cups of coffee we share.” “Are you forgetting your eating schedule like you are forgetting me?” “Hey, let's make it easy! Tell me I'm still your favorite menu. I'm still your Americano, huh?

—terdevan May 24th, 2016 / 6:50 a.m

#TDCProject – Old Guitar.

Nobody knows I’m in love with old guitar The one that locked in the museum glasses You used to play guitar too And I’m trying to mess every note you’d play

Nobody knows I’m in love with broken radio The one that told me about your songs I turn the radio on in the morning But never dare to play it when the night’s coming

No one will ever know if I love that melody The unreleased sound on your recorder track You whispered that words through the phone Till then I keep it on repeat

No one will ever know if I love that voice The lines that ever kept you warm with me And it still is echoing in my mind Like a lullaby goodnight song That keeps me awake by our old songs

—terdevan, cloudsans August 17th, 2016 / 23:37

#TDCProject – Perfect.

“You’re too sweet. I can tell love from your side is so strong. Sometimes I wonder what I have done, till I deserve love like that.”

“I must done some good job in the past life cause right now, God give me something I never imagine: you, the best gift I ever had.”

“But, I don't think I deserve that. I mean, I am such a sin and you're so heaven. I may hurt you brutally, and God will hate me for ruining the angel like you. And I won't like it to. So, I think, I better leave.”

“You might say I'm totally crazy for loving someone who deserves heaven like you, while I am the best kind of bad karma. If only I knew that I would meet you like this, I'd volunteer myself as an angel to always be here, near you.”

“And If I could, and I would, I just don't know how devil and angel could be together. But, yes, there is bad and good, sad and glad, those opposite things make this world colorful. And if I could stay with you, I want to be your best sin, best mistake, forevermore.”

“Until one of us give up, I will try to make it real. I won't stop telling you that these all are worth anything we've hoped. You’ll see that one day; this world will turn their head just to see you and me together.”

“And one day I will be the best badness. In your arms, and the way sun goes lightening your smile, I will send you my real bad love. As bad as your hands hold me to say we will be perfection”

—terdevan, cloudsans August 06th, 2016 / 09:24